Monday, August 25, 2014

Why frustration gets you nowhere.

  In life there are lots of trials and frustrations we go through. And as human beings, we often tend to take out our frustration on people around us. A lot of times we take it out on the people who deserve it the least.
  I like to read talks on lds.org and the ensign often on how to strengthen my marriage and how to support my spouse. Our marriage is still only 2 months in and I want to make sure that there's no room for contention. I work hard to make sure I'm being honest and fair and communicating with my husband, and I work hard to listen to him and come up with solutions and talk things through before it turns into an arguement or disagreement. So far, the strategies I've used and he's used have worked wonders. In the time even before we got married we have had very few arguements. We have never raised our voices or shouted at each other (we both agreed before we got married that this would not happen no matter what). And we've worked hard to humble ourselves and see the other person's point of view.
  Sometimes though, depression gets in the way. Not anything to do with my husband. Just my depression. I've had to go through a lot of things in my life. Some things very traumatic and a couple very scarring things. I wasn't very good at communication (in fact it's still something I'm working on every day. Every minute.) and I bottled things up inside. I've gotten into an awful habit of working hard everyday to do something nice for my sweetheart, and then I get mad if he doesn't award me a frigging gold star. No really. Sometimes I get depressed because I create unrealistic expectations in my mind. I pump myself up and get so excited to see his face light up and get all kinds of hugs and kisses, and well... other things... just because I brought home dinner. You see why this doesn't really work?
  So that's my dilemma lately. Depression is a hard thing to conquer. Especially in a marriage. My husband doesn't ever do anything wrong when I bring home dinner or whatever. In fact he says "Oh thank you, this looks good." Or "Thanks, this is awesome." and eats it all happily. But in the alternative reality that takes over when I have depressive moments, I don't feel like he appreciates it because it wasn't how I pictured it in my mind.
  It's not about being recognized for something good you did for the person. If you want to do something for your spouse, you really shouldn't hold such high expectations in regards to how they react to your service. It will only cause you frustration which will probably most likely be taken out on them later. And that's counter productive, now isn't it?
  Anyway, I'm kind of ranting and just trying to get my feelings out there. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with going on the internet and researching how to make things work in a marriage. It's better to go out and search for a solution and humble yourself instead of keeping it all inside and trying to do it all yourself. Here are a couple websites I've found that I think have really sound advice. I haven't needed a few of them, I just think they're good informants. But a couple I have read and implemented.
http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2003/september/husband-struggle-depression.html?start=3
https://www.lds.org/manual/building-an-eternal-marriage-teacher-manual/respecting-your-spouse?lang=eng
http://alumni.iupui.edu/medicine/documents/Understanding%20and%20Supporting%20Your%20Medical%20Student.pdf  ** This one really helps me, my husband is a chinese medicine student and spends 80% or more of his days at school or studying. It can be really hard sometimes.

Well, that's all I really have. I like that my husband and I are so good at solving things together. Makes things a lot easier. Even on our rough days. Love him with all my heart. I'm so lucky.

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