Today I remembered how quickly life can change for some people. Even if you know a loved one is about to pass away, it doesn't make it any easier when they do. My great grandma puppies, my grandma Jan, my grandpa Bono, some friends from church, and my mom are all examples of people who have passed away while I've been alive. I've unfortunately experienced this quite a few times. But each time someone passes away, I feel it differently.
The most penetrating grief I have ever felt was when my mom passed away when I was 19. That was obviously very difficult and it has left a lasting hole in my life. However, I have learned to manage my grief daily. Grief for the loss of a parent never goes away. Grief for the loss of anyone never really goes away. You simply learn how to live with it and manage it. I feel like for me, personally, the grief from my moms passing is like an emotional disease I live with. (I think it's important to note I have been diagnosed with PTSD from my mom's death, but I can distinguish my grieving from my PTSD.)
This morning my sweet husband's grandfather passed away and although I have never met him, I cried. Seeing my beloved experiencing this thing that I have experienced so much of hurts me. I know how he feels, I really do. And it stinks.
But this morning I realized that my grief experiences have prepared me to support my husband and other people who will experience the loss of people they love. I can help them simply by loving them and letting them rely on me for a while. When I lost my mom, everyone always wanted to talk about it. All the time. Every day. I didn't go to counseling for it until I was already 21, but every other person and their mother wanted to talk about it. I hated it. I appreciated that they were trying to help me, but all I wanted was to be held and cry for a while. You know? So that's what I do when people are grieving. I hug them or hold them, sometimes cry with them, and (this is the mormon domestic coming out in me) I often bring them some form of food. Everyone grieves differently, but I know a lot of people don't necessarily want to talk about the thing that's making them so sad. They just need some comfort.
For the record, I never want to become a psychologist, therapist, or any type of doctor/nurse. Although those are all noble positions to have and I am very good at doing some of the things they do, it is not something I'm willing to jump blindly into.
And now to totally turn to another subject...
For almost a year and a half now, I've known that I want to minor in Russian Translation. I've flip flopped between some ideas and even told people that something was what I was majoring in for sure. I still don't really know, but I've narrowed down my desired field/major to these things:
-Illustration (2D)
-Studio Art/ Drawing and Painting
-Interior design
Yes folks, it would appear that I am going to in some way or another major in Art. I don't want to jump to any conclusions just yet because I'm still investigating these three options. But they are things I love to do. I've always had a passion for the first two. They bring me great joy and I want to expand my knowledge of those subjects.
I'm moving soon, and I finally get to look for a job again (my health is better). I hope to expand beyond retail, but I would not be opposed to working in it again. I have found that I have many talents in that field. Maybe I can find work at some kind of art-related place.
Anyway, I have to go do laundry. Life is good. Not much else going on, but it's always good :)
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