www.mrssongbirdmeyers.blogspot.com
This is my new blog :) Thanks for being wonderful readers and followers on this one. I will not delete it, as I consider it to be a scrapbook of sorts.
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Friday, June 26, 2015
Monday, April 6, 2015
Losing Loved Ones/ life update
Today I remembered how quickly life can change for some people. Even if you know a loved one is about to pass away, it doesn't make it any easier when they do. My great grandma puppies, my grandma Jan, my grandpa Bono, some friends from church, and my mom are all examples of people who have passed away while I've been alive. I've unfortunately experienced this quite a few times. But each time someone passes away, I feel it differently.
The most penetrating grief I have ever felt was when my mom passed away when I was 19. That was obviously very difficult and it has left a lasting hole in my life. However, I have learned to manage my grief daily. Grief for the loss of a parent never goes away. Grief for the loss of anyone never really goes away. You simply learn how to live with it and manage it. I feel like for me, personally, the grief from my moms passing is like an emotional disease I live with. (I think it's important to note I have been diagnosed with PTSD from my mom's death, but I can distinguish my grieving from my PTSD.)
This morning my sweet husband's grandfather passed away and although I have never met him, I cried. Seeing my beloved experiencing this thing that I have experienced so much of hurts me. I know how he feels, I really do. And it stinks.
But this morning I realized that my grief experiences have prepared me to support my husband and other people who will experience the loss of people they love. I can help them simply by loving them and letting them rely on me for a while. When I lost my mom, everyone always wanted to talk about it. All the time. Every day. I didn't go to counseling for it until I was already 21, but every other person and their mother wanted to talk about it. I hated it. I appreciated that they were trying to help me, but all I wanted was to be held and cry for a while. You know? So that's what I do when people are grieving. I hug them or hold them, sometimes cry with them, and (this is the mormon domestic coming out in me) I often bring them some form of food. Everyone grieves differently, but I know a lot of people don't necessarily want to talk about the thing that's making them so sad. They just need some comfort.
For the record, I never want to become a psychologist, therapist, or any type of doctor/nurse. Although those are all noble positions to have and I am very good at doing some of the things they do, it is not something I'm willing to jump blindly into.
And now to totally turn to another subject...
For almost a year and a half now, I've known that I want to minor in Russian Translation. I've flip flopped between some ideas and even told people that something was what I was majoring in for sure. I still don't really know, but I've narrowed down my desired field/major to these things:
-Illustration (2D)
-Studio Art/ Drawing and Painting
-Interior design
Yes folks, it would appear that I am going to in some way or another major in Art. I don't want to jump to any conclusions just yet because I'm still investigating these three options. But they are things I love to do. I've always had a passion for the first two. They bring me great joy and I want to expand my knowledge of those subjects.
I'm moving soon, and I finally get to look for a job again (my health is better). I hope to expand beyond retail, but I would not be opposed to working in it again. I have found that I have many talents in that field. Maybe I can find work at some kind of art-related place.
Anyway, I have to go do laundry. Life is good. Not much else going on, but it's always good :)
The most penetrating grief I have ever felt was when my mom passed away when I was 19. That was obviously very difficult and it has left a lasting hole in my life. However, I have learned to manage my grief daily. Grief for the loss of a parent never goes away. Grief for the loss of anyone never really goes away. You simply learn how to live with it and manage it. I feel like for me, personally, the grief from my moms passing is like an emotional disease I live with. (I think it's important to note I have been diagnosed with PTSD from my mom's death, but I can distinguish my grieving from my PTSD.)
This morning my sweet husband's grandfather passed away and although I have never met him, I cried. Seeing my beloved experiencing this thing that I have experienced so much of hurts me. I know how he feels, I really do. And it stinks.
But this morning I realized that my grief experiences have prepared me to support my husband and other people who will experience the loss of people they love. I can help them simply by loving them and letting them rely on me for a while. When I lost my mom, everyone always wanted to talk about it. All the time. Every day. I didn't go to counseling for it until I was already 21, but every other person and their mother wanted to talk about it. I hated it. I appreciated that they were trying to help me, but all I wanted was to be held and cry for a while. You know? So that's what I do when people are grieving. I hug them or hold them, sometimes cry with them, and (this is the mormon domestic coming out in me) I often bring them some form of food. Everyone grieves differently, but I know a lot of people don't necessarily want to talk about the thing that's making them so sad. They just need some comfort.
For the record, I never want to become a psychologist, therapist, or any type of doctor/nurse. Although those are all noble positions to have and I am very good at doing some of the things they do, it is not something I'm willing to jump blindly into.
And now to totally turn to another subject...
For almost a year and a half now, I've known that I want to minor in Russian Translation. I've flip flopped between some ideas and even told people that something was what I was majoring in for sure. I still don't really know, but I've narrowed down my desired field/major to these things:
-Illustration (2D)
-Studio Art/ Drawing and Painting
-Interior design
Yes folks, it would appear that I am going to in some way or another major in Art. I don't want to jump to any conclusions just yet because I'm still investigating these three options. But they are things I love to do. I've always had a passion for the first two. They bring me great joy and I want to expand my knowledge of those subjects.
I'm moving soon, and I finally get to look for a job again (my health is better). I hope to expand beyond retail, but I would not be opposed to working in it again. I have found that I have many talents in that field. Maybe I can find work at some kind of art-related place.
Anyway, I have to go do laundry. Life is good. Not much else going on, but it's always good :)
Monday, February 23, 2015
Don't worry I haven't forgotten you, blog.
I haven't blogged in so long. It's kind of crazy to think that I started this blog almost 4 ish years ago. I've been doing a lot of stuff lately. I started school in the fall and now I'm into Winter quarter. This semester I'm doing a general writing class and a religion class. Lots of homework, easing myself back into a school frame of mind. My grades are awesome, an A and a passing. My religion class is a pass or fail, but don't worry, it isn't by any means an "easy A" class. Last semester I got a B+ in my life skills class and passed my other religion class.
Since I last blogged I was diagnosed with scoliosis in my back and neck, and with a lot of muscle adhesion in my back. I'm finally better from all the bad pain it caused and I'm learning how to manage the aches and live with it.
I adopted 4 "plant babies" a couple weeks ago, and I'm transplanting them later today into their new homes. My grandma gave me a little Rosemary plant, a little orchid, and two little cacti. I'm keeping the cacti in their cups for now until they grow more and until they root well enough. But today I'm moving Rosemary from her yogurt cup into a little flower pot I got at winco last year. I'm thinking about moving the orchid into a good size indoor flower pot from IKEA I got years ago, but I think I might just let the thing chill in its current pot until I get more time. But little Rosemary is ready for a change. (Yes, grandma... they're still alive! :)
What else has been going on....?
Oh!
I'm working on my art/study space in our bedroom. I have a desk I haven't had the time to use in too long, so I'm trying to get that going. I have been doing some fun videos with my drawing/painting that I'm saving and creating to make a youtube channel. I've been wanting to do that for a long time.
Too many projects! But I've planned well lately and things are moving forward, so lets see how it goes. :)
Since I last blogged I was diagnosed with scoliosis in my back and neck, and with a lot of muscle adhesion in my back. I'm finally better from all the bad pain it caused and I'm learning how to manage the aches and live with it.
I adopted 4 "plant babies" a couple weeks ago, and I'm transplanting them later today into their new homes. My grandma gave me a little Rosemary plant, a little orchid, and two little cacti. I'm keeping the cacti in their cups for now until they grow more and until they root well enough. But today I'm moving Rosemary from her yogurt cup into a little flower pot I got at winco last year. I'm thinking about moving the orchid into a good size indoor flower pot from IKEA I got years ago, but I think I might just let the thing chill in its current pot until I get more time. But little Rosemary is ready for a change. (Yes, grandma... they're still alive! :)
What else has been going on....?
Oh!
I'm working on my art/study space in our bedroom. I have a desk I haven't had the time to use in too long, so I'm trying to get that going. I have been doing some fun videos with my drawing/painting that I'm saving and creating to make a youtube channel. I've been wanting to do that for a long time.
Too many projects! But I've planned well lately and things are moving forward, so lets see how it goes. :)
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Warnings *guys: this could get awkward for you.
Hello lovely readers. I know I haven't done much blogging lately. As you can tell I tend to forget to post a lot :) I actually do begin to write posts and for some reason I get distracted or something comes up.
** Just a heads up to male readers/ readers who find this kind of thing awkward. I'm giving birth control option advice and will talk about how it works and what it does in great detail so... beware. **
Today was a good day, but the past 5 or so days have been physically just MEH. That's the only way I can describe it. MEH. Just a little word of advice, if you are thinking of different ways of using birth control... do not even consider the depo provera shot. It is SO bad for you and your hormones go crazy. My doctor was like "Oh yeah it doesn't put extra estrogen in you so it would create an imbalance." I was like sweet! Little did I know, that the shot doesn't inject estrogen into your body, it injects progesterone into you. Progesterone is something you already have in your body to keep you from constantly having a period every day of your life. In between cycles of ovulation, progesterone is what allows the blood, mucus, and other nasties to stay in you and create a womb lining for a possible fertilized egg if you become pregnant. When you get this shot, about two shots in, you lose your period completely. It may take 2-3 shots for some women. For me it only took 2.
Now the first time I had the shot was in April 2014 (this year) and for the first two weeks it was okay. Then after 3 weeks, I noticed I was gaining weight. By July I gained 20 pounds. Now, in October I have gained a total of about 34 pounds weighing in at 162. Yikes. I've been eating healthy and exercising everyday. Haven't changed anything in my diet or exercise. I asked my doctor and she was like "Oh yeah, that's one of the side effects." I was like "Uh thanks for telling me" and also confronted her about the progesterone. She said "Oh it usually doesn't affect people that much." Let me just be clear here: the shot affects everyone by adding excess progesterone to the body. Women don't always show signs right away of it affecting them negatively though.
My husband and I don't want to have kids for a little while more, but this shot has affected my weight, my mood, anxiety, sleep, etc. I have been going to an acupuncturist for about 3-4 weeks and my acupuncturists are AH-MAZING. They've been able to slowly get my hormone levels down to normal, and in essence reverse the depo provera shot. Even though this has been mondo helpful, now that the hormone progesterone has dipped significantly, I've had my period again. Only this time, it has lasted almost 10 days. And the past 5 days, I've had cramps like nothing I have ever felt. I've even had back pain associated with cramps. My doctor says that the cramps I've been having are "super mini contractions". Not sure how many people know this, but when you have your period, you are experiencing super mega ultra teeny tiny contractions. You are literally birthing your womb lining because your body has recognized that the egg you released has not been fertilized, meaning you are not pregnant. So it releases the built up blood, mucus, and other nasties. So when my doctor told me that on the phone today I was like "seriously. Thanks for telling me all this 6 months ago." Well... that's what I would have said if she had ACTUALLY TOLD ME THE REAL SIDE EFFECTS.
Oi.
Tomorrow I have another acupuncture appointment and I can't wait. Hopefully we can get all this cleared up and dealt with. My husband and I have decided that it's just plain not worth all the side effects and weaning my poor body off the high levels of progesterone and whatever else is in that dumb shot. No, that doesn't mean we're trying for kids yet. Because guess what else is an after effect of the shot? That no one told me about... After two shots I won't be able to have kids for at least 4 months. Glad to know my options are open. Not.
In conclusion, don't waste your time, money, or health by getting this shot. It's sooo bad for you.
** Just a heads up to male readers/ readers who find this kind of thing awkward. I'm giving birth control option advice and will talk about how it works and what it does in great detail so... beware. **
Today was a good day, but the past 5 or so days have been physically just MEH. That's the only way I can describe it. MEH. Just a little word of advice, if you are thinking of different ways of using birth control... do not even consider the depo provera shot. It is SO bad for you and your hormones go crazy. My doctor was like "Oh yeah it doesn't put extra estrogen in you so it would create an imbalance." I was like sweet! Little did I know, that the shot doesn't inject estrogen into your body, it injects progesterone into you. Progesterone is something you already have in your body to keep you from constantly having a period every day of your life. In between cycles of ovulation, progesterone is what allows the blood, mucus, and other nasties to stay in you and create a womb lining for a possible fertilized egg if you become pregnant. When you get this shot, about two shots in, you lose your period completely. It may take 2-3 shots for some women. For me it only took 2.
Now the first time I had the shot was in April 2014 (this year) and for the first two weeks it was okay. Then after 3 weeks, I noticed I was gaining weight. By July I gained 20 pounds. Now, in October I have gained a total of about 34 pounds weighing in at 162. Yikes. I've been eating healthy and exercising everyday. Haven't changed anything in my diet or exercise. I asked my doctor and she was like "Oh yeah, that's one of the side effects." I was like "Uh thanks for telling me" and also confronted her about the progesterone. She said "Oh it usually doesn't affect people that much." Let me just be clear here: the shot affects everyone by adding excess progesterone to the body. Women don't always show signs right away of it affecting them negatively though.
My husband and I don't want to have kids for a little while more, but this shot has affected my weight, my mood, anxiety, sleep, etc. I have been going to an acupuncturist for about 3-4 weeks and my acupuncturists are AH-MAZING. They've been able to slowly get my hormone levels down to normal, and in essence reverse the depo provera shot. Even though this has been mondo helpful, now that the hormone progesterone has dipped significantly, I've had my period again. Only this time, it has lasted almost 10 days. And the past 5 days, I've had cramps like nothing I have ever felt. I've even had back pain associated with cramps. My doctor says that the cramps I've been having are "super mini contractions". Not sure how many people know this, but when you have your period, you are experiencing super mega ultra teeny tiny contractions. You are literally birthing your womb lining because your body has recognized that the egg you released has not been fertilized, meaning you are not pregnant. So it releases the built up blood, mucus, and other nasties. So when my doctor told me that on the phone today I was like "seriously. Thanks for telling me all this 6 months ago." Well... that's what I would have said if she had ACTUALLY TOLD ME THE REAL SIDE EFFECTS.
Oi.
Tomorrow I have another acupuncture appointment and I can't wait. Hopefully we can get all this cleared up and dealt with. My husband and I have decided that it's just plain not worth all the side effects and weaning my poor body off the high levels of progesterone and whatever else is in that dumb shot. No, that doesn't mean we're trying for kids yet. Because guess what else is an after effect of the shot? That no one told me about... After two shots I won't be able to have kids for at least 4 months. Glad to know my options are open. Not.
In conclusion, don't waste your time, money, or health by getting this shot. It's sooo bad for you.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
First Day of Fall!
There's nothing I love more (besides my husband) than a rainy fall day. Today I decided to take a "mental health" day and do the things I love doing in the fall. Here's today's agenda:
Laundry
Dishes
Gym
Trail Run
Grocery store for baking stuff and dinner stuff
Open the blinds and watch the rain
Clean the house while listening to John Schmidt
Gym again!
Bake (Rice Krispie Treats today, GF of course)
Homework
Make Dinner
Tonight for dinner I'm making mashed red potatoes, roasted brussel sprouts, cauliflower with garlic, and tri tip.
Tomorrow I have my 3rd acupuncture appoint. I have to admit that I am terrified of needles, but the acupuncturists I've worked with have helped me so much. My visits are definitely worth it. As well as needles, they stick ear seeds in my ears. Basically they are little seeds taped to a certain point in my ear called Shen-men (probably didn't spell that right) and if I start feeling anxious or overwhelmed, I just push the seed to my ear and maybe roll it around a little and it activates the point and helps a lot. No side effects, unlike what regular doctors would give me. Did you know that a lot of anti depressants have the side effect of "feelings of suicide" or "feelings of helplessness"? Um... HOW IS THAT HELPING THE DEPRESSION???? Anyway...
The reason I don't post very often is because I'm in college now and I don't have like ANY time to post. When I am on the computer I am doing homework. I do a computer course online and I also attend a class for a program through Brigham Young University. It's called Pathway, and it introduces students into the University. Sooo I am a University Student :) First one in my family in a long time! I'm not bragging in the least, but I thought I would never get into a University because of how poorly I did in High School. School has always been kind of hard for me, but in my last year of High School, I graduated with a 3.2 cum. GPA. Which was a pretty extraordinary feat, considering I had something like a 1.6 GPA at the beginning of my first senior year (I went through 5 years of High School, had to repeat my senior year). Anyway, I'm really not bragging, it's just so cool to look back on where I was and how far I've come. I worked really hard during my last senior year and studied like crazy, and stayed after school nearly everyday for Algebra 2 (Math isn't my strong suit).
So there it is. I like being back in school. It's nice to be learning and working again.
Not going to let this rainy fall day go to waste, I'm off to do more of my favorite things :)
Laundry
Dishes
Gym
Trail Run
Grocery store for baking stuff and dinner stuff
Open the blinds and watch the rain
Clean the house while listening to John Schmidt
Gym again!
Bake (Rice Krispie Treats today, GF of course)
Homework
Make Dinner
Tonight for dinner I'm making mashed red potatoes, roasted brussel sprouts, cauliflower with garlic, and tri tip.
Tomorrow I have my 3rd acupuncture appoint. I have to admit that I am terrified of needles, but the acupuncturists I've worked with have helped me so much. My visits are definitely worth it. As well as needles, they stick ear seeds in my ears. Basically they are little seeds taped to a certain point in my ear called Shen-men (probably didn't spell that right) and if I start feeling anxious or overwhelmed, I just push the seed to my ear and maybe roll it around a little and it activates the point and helps a lot. No side effects, unlike what regular doctors would give me. Did you know that a lot of anti depressants have the side effect of "feelings of suicide" or "feelings of helplessness"? Um... HOW IS THAT HELPING THE DEPRESSION???? Anyway...
The reason I don't post very often is because I'm in college now and I don't have like ANY time to post. When I am on the computer I am doing homework. I do a computer course online and I also attend a class for a program through Brigham Young University. It's called Pathway, and it introduces students into the University. Sooo I am a University Student :) First one in my family in a long time! I'm not bragging in the least, but I thought I would never get into a University because of how poorly I did in High School. School has always been kind of hard for me, but in my last year of High School, I graduated with a 3.2 cum. GPA. Which was a pretty extraordinary feat, considering I had something like a 1.6 GPA at the beginning of my first senior year (I went through 5 years of High School, had to repeat my senior year). Anyway, I'm really not bragging, it's just so cool to look back on where I was and how far I've come. I worked really hard during my last senior year and studied like crazy, and stayed after school nearly everyday for Algebra 2 (Math isn't my strong suit).
So there it is. I like being back in school. It's nice to be learning and working again.
Not going to let this rainy fall day go to waste, I'm off to do more of my favorite things :)
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
I was going to do this really cool bike ride in the first week of september. I was going to do 54 miles around Mt. Adams here in washington. But I realized that while I am getting in better shape and losing weight, it would not be good for me to do this just yet. I would probably hurt myself doing it. I am super bummed because it's a gorgeous ride and I remember feeling really good after I did it. But I don't want to risk hurting myself. I'm nowhere near the shape I was in 2 years ago when I did the ride.
I'll just have to set another goal and keep going to the gym and working on my goal. So far in the 2 weeks I've been working out I have lost 5 pounds. It's been really hard because I have an obstacle to overcome that makes me gain weight like crazy. I get the depo provera birth control shots. I've only had it done twice. But one of the side effects is weight gain. When I first got it in April of this year, I weighed 140 pounds almost exactly. I was still 5 pounds over the reccomended healthy weight for my age and height, but it wasn't bad. Then I gained 25 pounds. I was 165.3 pounds in July. Now I weigh 154. With the sudden weight gain I became lethargic, I got stretch marks on my upper legs, and for some reason I broke out with acne all over my face. I wasn't eating poorly either. I eat healthy everyday.
My workouts are so random. I've gotten back into the habit of writing my workouts down and making goals of what I want to accomplish at the gym. My workout today will be legs/bum. Here's what I have planned:
circuit @ Planet Fitness (only the leg machines and step boxes. Do 3X)
Squats w/bar 2 sets of 10
Treadmill walk 30 minutes
Pretty simple today. I did the full 30 minute circuit yesterday so I won't do the full thing again today. Tomorrow I'm going to do a big crazy workout because my husband and I are going out of town from friday to sunday so I won't have the gym or much exercise time while we're away.
I highly reccomend gluten and dairy free diet to those who want to lose weight and be healthy. You're basically limited then to fresh food rather than packaged and/or processed foods. You'll eat a lot of vegetables and fruits and I reccomend eating meat sparingly. I feel great and it helps me feel good enough to work out a lot and I always have a lot of energy.
There's also a couple challenges I'm going to try in september. One being the "30 day guns, buns & abs" challenge. Here's the image of what that will look like:
I'll just have to set another goal and keep going to the gym and working on my goal. So far in the 2 weeks I've been working out I have lost 5 pounds. It's been really hard because I have an obstacle to overcome that makes me gain weight like crazy. I get the depo provera birth control shots. I've only had it done twice. But one of the side effects is weight gain. When I first got it in April of this year, I weighed 140 pounds almost exactly. I was still 5 pounds over the reccomended healthy weight for my age and height, but it wasn't bad. Then I gained 25 pounds. I was 165.3 pounds in July. Now I weigh 154. With the sudden weight gain I became lethargic, I got stretch marks on my upper legs, and for some reason I broke out with acne all over my face. I wasn't eating poorly either. I eat healthy everyday.
My workouts are so random. I've gotten back into the habit of writing my workouts down and making goals of what I want to accomplish at the gym. My workout today will be legs/bum. Here's what I have planned:
circuit @ Planet Fitness (only the leg machines and step boxes. Do 3X)
Squats w/bar 2 sets of 10
Treadmill walk 30 minutes
Pretty simple today. I did the full 30 minute circuit yesterday so I won't do the full thing again today. Tomorrow I'm going to do a big crazy workout because my husband and I are going out of town from friday to sunday so I won't have the gym or much exercise time while we're away.
I highly reccomend gluten and dairy free diet to those who want to lose weight and be healthy. You're basically limited then to fresh food rather than packaged and/or processed foods. You'll eat a lot of vegetables and fruits and I reccomend eating meat sparingly. I feel great and it helps me feel good enough to work out a lot and I always have a lot of energy.
There's also a couple challenges I'm going to try in september. One being the "30 day guns, buns & abs" challenge. Here's the image of what that will look like:
Sounds like a good challenge.
One more thing I really reccomend very highly: drinking lots of water everyday. Your face will brighten up and the bags under your eyes will start to go away. I guarantee your acne will get better the more water you drink everyday. And you will have more energy. I've also found that I eat less when I drink more water.
Well, I have to go finish laundry, but I'll talk about my workout later tonight. I think I'll take a "before" picture too and keep that until a couple weeks from now when I can compare and see results.
Thanks to my followers and loyal readers. I hope you are sharing my blog and reccomending it to others. I appreciate all the views and support I've been getting lately. It's awesome! :)
Monday, August 25, 2014
Why frustration gets you nowhere.
In life there are lots of trials and frustrations we go through. And as human beings, we often tend to take out our frustration on people around us. A lot of times we take it out on the people who deserve it the least.
I like to read talks on lds.org and the ensign often on how to strengthen my marriage and how to support my spouse. Our marriage is still only 2 months in and I want to make sure that there's no room for contention. I work hard to make sure I'm being honest and fair and communicating with my husband, and I work hard to listen to him and come up with solutions and talk things through before it turns into an arguement or disagreement. So far, the strategies I've used and he's used have worked wonders. In the time even before we got married we have had very few arguements. We have never raised our voices or shouted at each other (we both agreed before we got married that this would not happen no matter what). And we've worked hard to humble ourselves and see the other person's point of view.
Sometimes though, depression gets in the way. Not anything to do with my husband. Just my depression. I've had to go through a lot of things in my life. Some things very traumatic and a couple very scarring things. I wasn't very good at communication (in fact it's still something I'm working on every day. Every minute.) and I bottled things up inside. I've gotten into an awful habit of working hard everyday to do something nice for my sweetheart, and then I get mad if he doesn't award me a frigging gold star. No really. Sometimes I get depressed because I create unrealistic expectations in my mind. I pump myself up and get so excited to see his face light up and get all kinds of hugs and kisses, and well... other things... just because I brought home dinner. You see why this doesn't really work?
So that's my dilemma lately. Depression is a hard thing to conquer. Especially in a marriage. My husband doesn't ever do anything wrong when I bring home dinner or whatever. In fact he says "Oh thank you, this looks good." Or "Thanks, this is awesome." and eats it all happily. But in the alternative reality that takes over when I have depressive moments, I don't feel like he appreciates it because it wasn't how I pictured it in my mind.
It's not about being recognized for something good you did for the person. If you want to do something for your spouse, you really shouldn't hold such high expectations in regards to how they react to your service. It will only cause you frustration which will probably most likely be taken out on them later. And that's counter productive, now isn't it?
Anyway, I'm kind of ranting and just trying to get my feelings out there. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with going on the internet and researching how to make things work in a marriage. It's better to go out and search for a solution and humble yourself instead of keeping it all inside and trying to do it all yourself. Here are a couple websites I've found that I think have really sound advice. I haven't needed a few of them, I just think they're good informants. But a couple I have read and implemented.
http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2003/september/husband-struggle-depression.html?start=3
https://www.lds.org/manual/building-an-eternal-marriage-teacher-manual/respecting-your-spouse?lang=eng
http://alumni.iupui.edu/medicine/documents/Understanding%20and%20Supporting%20Your%20Medical%20Student.pdf ** This one really helps me, my husband is a chinese medicine student and spends 80% or more of his days at school or studying. It can be really hard sometimes.
Well, that's all I really have. I like that my husband and I are so good at solving things together. Makes things a lot easier. Even on our rough days. Love him with all my heart. I'm so lucky.
I like to read talks on lds.org and the ensign often on how to strengthen my marriage and how to support my spouse. Our marriage is still only 2 months in and I want to make sure that there's no room for contention. I work hard to make sure I'm being honest and fair and communicating with my husband, and I work hard to listen to him and come up with solutions and talk things through before it turns into an arguement or disagreement. So far, the strategies I've used and he's used have worked wonders. In the time even before we got married we have had very few arguements. We have never raised our voices or shouted at each other (we both agreed before we got married that this would not happen no matter what). And we've worked hard to humble ourselves and see the other person's point of view.
Sometimes though, depression gets in the way. Not anything to do with my husband. Just my depression. I've had to go through a lot of things in my life. Some things very traumatic and a couple very scarring things. I wasn't very good at communication (in fact it's still something I'm working on every day. Every minute.) and I bottled things up inside. I've gotten into an awful habit of working hard everyday to do something nice for my sweetheart, and then I get mad if he doesn't award me a frigging gold star. No really. Sometimes I get depressed because I create unrealistic expectations in my mind. I pump myself up and get so excited to see his face light up and get all kinds of hugs and kisses, and well... other things... just because I brought home dinner. You see why this doesn't really work?
So that's my dilemma lately. Depression is a hard thing to conquer. Especially in a marriage. My husband doesn't ever do anything wrong when I bring home dinner or whatever. In fact he says "Oh thank you, this looks good." Or "Thanks, this is awesome." and eats it all happily. But in the alternative reality that takes over when I have depressive moments, I don't feel like he appreciates it because it wasn't how I pictured it in my mind.
It's not about being recognized for something good you did for the person. If you want to do something for your spouse, you really shouldn't hold such high expectations in regards to how they react to your service. It will only cause you frustration which will probably most likely be taken out on them later. And that's counter productive, now isn't it?
Anyway, I'm kind of ranting and just trying to get my feelings out there. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with going on the internet and researching how to make things work in a marriage. It's better to go out and search for a solution and humble yourself instead of keeping it all inside and trying to do it all yourself. Here are a couple websites I've found that I think have really sound advice. I haven't needed a few of them, I just think they're good informants. But a couple I have read and implemented.
http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2003/september/husband-struggle-depression.html?start=3
https://www.lds.org/manual/building-an-eternal-marriage-teacher-manual/respecting-your-spouse?lang=eng
http://alumni.iupui.edu/medicine/documents/Understanding%20and%20Supporting%20Your%20Medical%20Student.pdf ** This one really helps me, my husband is a chinese medicine student and spends 80% or more of his days at school or studying. It can be really hard sometimes.
Well, that's all I really have. I like that my husband and I are so good at solving things together. Makes things a lot easier. Even on our rough days. Love him with all my heart. I'm so lucky.
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